


you're walking out in the snow, trying to find your place

by itisjosh



Series: change won't come if we don't begin [17]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bees, Best Friends, Betrayal, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Card Games, Crying, Escape, Family Dynamics, Fear of Death, Fluff and Angst, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Gore, Minor Injuries, Murder, On the Run, Past Character Death, Pogtopia, Politics, Redemption, Running Away, Temporary Character Death, War, Winter, others are not, recovering friendships, some parts are light-hearted and soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26669491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: Tubbo never wanted this to happen, he never thought Schlatt would win. He never thought his joke would be taken as a promise. It's been a month now, and he can't do it anymore, he can't be without his best friend.So he runs.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Eret, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Series: change won't come if we don't begin [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939360
Comments: 171
Kudos: 814





	1. snow

Tubbo is terrified. He's absolutely terrified, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. Schlatt is sleeping in the bed one over to him, completely unconcerned about anything. Tubbo wishes he could be like that. He stares up at his ceiling, nervousness pooling in his stomach. He's so scared. He's so, so _alone_. Ever since Tommy left, he's been alone. He watched Eret run right into them with his sword raised, watched as all three of them disappeared. Tubbo was so happy that Wilbur had a splash potion on him. Of course his President would be smart, he's always been smart. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Tommy. He watched as Tommy reached out for him, tried to take Tubbo with, but he..he couldn't. Tubbo had to stay, he had to. He had made his choice, and he had to see it through. But the more days he spends in "Manberg", the more his heart aches. The more he wishes he was with Tommy and Wilbur. Even if they're criminals now, even if they're outlawed and banned from even showing their faces..Tubbo wishes he was with them.

He decided to run a few days ago, but it has never been that simple. Schlatt has two guards outside of his door at all times, rotating between them so they don't get too attached to each other. Tubbo's watched him do it. He knows that it's Fundy and Eret out there this time, he can hear their muffled conversations. Mostly Fundy, though. Eret's been really, really quiet ever since Schlatt took over. Tubbo rolls over on his side, slipping his hand underneath his pillow. Schlatt doesn't care if he has weapons, but he takes them away at night. He doesn't trust him. Tubbo wouldn't trust himself, either. He grabs his knife, running his finger over the hilt of the blade. Tubbo breathes out, forcing himself to remember that if he gets caught, he'll die. If he gets caught, he'll be thrown in a cell or something. 

Tubbo cannot get caught. 

Tubbo tries his best to ignore the fear in his stomach, he tries his best to forget what would happen to him if he got caught. It's part of the risk. This entire fucking thing is going to be the biggest risk he's ever taken in his entire life, and he has to do it. He has to. It's just part of the risk. Tubbo sits up as quietly as he can, slipping on his boots. He drags his feet in the carpet, trying his best to muffle his footsteps. Even if Schlatt woke up now, Tubbo could still play it off. He still has time. He stands in front of his closet, carefully opening the doors. Tubbo smiles a little, reaching for his uniform. L'manberg might be "gone", but that doesn't mean _anything_. Even when L'manberg was on its last legs, that meant nothing. They still pushed through. They still won. 

He slips on his uniform, buttoning it up to the collar. He grabs his hat, putting it on. Maybe it's stupid that he's doing this, but it's a _symbol._ An act of betrayal. Tubbo wouldn't consider it a betrayal, though. He was never loyal to begin with. Tubbo grips his knife a little harder, pushing open the bedroom doors, breathing out. He rushes Fundy, grabbing the man by the ears, covering his mouth with his other hand. He pulls the knife up to Fundy's throat, and without a second of hesitation, he slices it open. He drops Fundy to the ground, whirling around on Eret, who..who doesn't stop him. Eret just looks at him, eyebrows raised.

"You could've just asked me to do that, you know," Eret smiles, crouching down to pick up Fundy's body. "How long have you been planning this? He asks, voice barely below a whisper. Tubbo's heart is roaring in his ears, his entire body shaking. "Tubbo?" Eret sets Fundy back down, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"You.." Tubbo swallows, his stomach swooping in both excitement and terror. "You're not on his side?"

Eret beams at him, pushing his sunglasses up. "Never have been. I.." he sighs, picking Fundy back up again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tubbo," Eret leans forwards, sunglasses slipping down his face. "I should have never betrayed you. After I did, I realised it wasn't.." he shakes his head. "It was never worth it. Why do you think Wilbur and Tommy got away as soon as I got to them?" His lips quirk up in a smile. "Splash potion of invisibility. I knew the results before anyone else did, Tubbo. I knew that Schlatt had won. I knew I had to keep our President safe, so I did."

"It was you," Tubbo blinks, unable to keep the grin off of his face. "Oh my god, it was- it was you!" He bites down on his lip to stop himself from being too loud. "I..we have to go, Eret. I don't know how long we have, but I..we have to go, I can't.."

"I know," Eret smiles, throwing Fundy's body over the railing of Schlatt's mansion. "I didn't want to leave you on your own. I figured I could hold out as long as you could," he pauses, gaze drifting towards the stables. "Niki is coming with us. She isn't on his side at all."

Tubbo stares at him, tilting his head a bit. "She's in there?" Eret nods.

"She's been staying there. Ponk is watching over her, I think," he frowns. "I'll kill him. Don't worry too much about it," he shrugs, starting to walk. Tubbo follows him, a small skip in his step as he does. "You should've assassinated him," Eret laughs, reaching over to take off Tubbo's hat, putting it on his own head. "I would've heard it, I could've probably killed Fundy before he even got the door open. But I doubt assassinating him is going to do much against anything," Eret sighs. "George is on his side." Tubbo nods.

"Yeah," he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "Um, Eret?"

"Yeah, Tubbo?"

"Can we get Tommy's discs back?" Tubbo asks, already feeling stupid for saying it. "I know that it's not safe for either of us anymore, but I just..I don't know, I think he'd like it and maybe it would-"

Eret holds up a hand, beaming at him. "Dream's on our side, Tubbo. He's been living alone at the moment, since Sapnap has been busy scouting for Techno, and George is..well. You know," he shrugs. "Dream doesn't want Schlatt to rule any longer than he has, but there's not much he can actually do about it. Since it was a democracy, and all that," Eret scoffs. "Wilbur should've just killed Quackity as soon as he mentioned wanting to run. Wilbur was the best damn President we had, even if he only ruled over L'manberg. And now Schlatt's claiming to rule over everything, it's.." Eret shakes his head. "It's bullshit. We'll get the discs back. We'll get Niki and then we'll go to Dream. Wilbur will come back, alright? He will rule again. Bastard's too clever to die. Plus," he grins, "he's got Tommy with him. Tommy's way too stubborn to give anything up, especially when he fought so hard for it."

Tubbo holds his breath for a few seconds, trying to process all of that information. "What the _fuck_ ," he breathes out, scrunching up his face. "I didn't..he's..after all he did? He's decided to just turn sides? That's.." he cuts himself off at the look on Eret's face - one of pure and utter guilt. "I didn't mean it like that, I.." Tubbo shakes his head. "He was always against us, Eret. You..what you did was bullshit and it hurt," he clears his throat. "But you're still my friend. You wouldn't have just..you're redeeming yourself, right? You're helping me leave." Eret laughs, a little colder than it used to be.

"I suppose. Doesn't mean it's any better," he pauses, dragging Tubbo back into a patch of darkness. "Still a traitor," he mutters. "But that's a good thing for me," Eret grins. "Once a traitor, always a traitor. Careful, Ponk is around. I'd rather not kill him, since he's got full Netherite, but if we have to.." Tubbo nods, gripping his knife a little harder. "Stay here," he murmurs, taking off Tubbo's hat and moving from the shadows. "Ponk!" Eret gasps, clutching his side. "Fuck, fuck, _shit_ , Ponk-"

"What the hell?" Ponk rushes to his side, sword sheathed. "What the hell happened to you? Are you okay? Where's Fundy?"

"Fundy's the problem!" Eret coughs, doubling over. "Fucking..bitch stabbed me," he hisses, wincing away from Ponk's touch. "I kicked him over the railing, I don't know if he's alive or dead, or-"

"It's fine," Ponk shushes him, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. "It's fine, it's fine. Here, let me get you patched up, okay? Then we'll go wake up Schlatt. Christ, already? We've already got a fucking mole?" Ponk scoffs. "Should've known. I never trusted him, anyways." 

"Yeah," Eret agrees, breathing out. Tubbo shifts a little, wincing as he hears the twig snap underneath him. "The fuck?" Eret turns his head. "Who.."

"I'll check it out." Ponk starts to walk towards him, and Tubbo can't help but smile as he watches Eret straighten up, his arms locking around Ponk's throat. He clamps a hand over the man's mouth, dragging him back into the snow. Ponk struggles for a few seconds, lashing around, kicking out, trying to get free of Eret's grip, but it's useless. Ponk's eyes roll into the back of his head, and Eret drops him, kicking his body towards the snow.

Eret grins at him, clapping his hands together. "I'm a great actor, right?"

"Right," Tubbo agrees, laughing. "Okay. Let's get Niki."

"Let's," Eret nods, taking Tubbo's hat again. "My uniform is still at Dream's place. When we go back, I'd..I'd like to get that, too," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I really, really am. But I'm hoping to make up for it. If I.." Eret breathes out. "If Wilbur doesn't let me in, that's okay, alright? Don't fight it. I wouldn't have let me in, either. But the important thing is that I'll have gotten you and Niki there safely." Tubbo scoffs, running his empty hand through his hair. 

"I'm not doing that, Eret. You've already helped me with Fundy, and then Ponk. You're..you've changed. It still stings," he admits. "I had a lot of nightmares about it. But you're still my older brother, right? You wouldn't have helped me if you planned on.." Tubbo trails off. "Niki trusts you, too. You could've just taken her to Pogtopia if you wanted to try and find it to snuff it out, but you didn't. I believe in you, Eret. I'm not letting Wilbur send you back here to _die_."

"I..yeah," Eret ducks his head, smiling. "Thank you, Tubbo. I burnt down the election stand," he snorts. "Quackity almost caught me doing it."

"That was _you_?" Tubbo grins, his eyes lighting up. "Schlatt was so angry about that."

Eret preens a little, beaming. "Good. Bastard deserves every bad thing that comes to him," he pauses for a second, hand on the hilt of his sword. "Niki's up. Ponk probably thought she was asleep. She's smart," he laughs. "Niki's really smart." Tubbo nods, smiling. He stares at the stables, seeing the light flash a few times- _wait_.

"Morse code!" He gasps. "Eret, do you know morse code? That's what she's doing, she's sending a message in-"

"She knew," Eret grins. "Smartass. Alright," he pauses, going silent for a bit. "It's your name," he laughs. "She knows. Fucking _smartass_ ," Eret repeats, grabbing Tubbo's arm. "Let's go." Tubbo nods, walking alongside his brother. He shivers a little at the cold, biting down on his lip so he doesn't complain about it. He's always liked winter, but he prefers spring more than anything. That's when the weather is always nice and not too cold, but not too warm. It's when the bees come out, too, and Tubbo could really, really stand to see some bees. He knows that it's a stupid interest, but he's always loved bees. He wishes it was spring. Tubbo sighs, smiling a little as he walks towards the stables, not expecting the sword he finds pointed at his throat.

"Hi, Niki." Tubbo laughs, holding up his hands. 

"Oh," Niki drops the sword, looking sheepish. "Sorry, Tubbo. Didn't mean to.." she stops, looking at Eret. "You've got blood on your gloves, Eret."

"I do," he agrees. "I threw Fundy's body over the railing," Eret shrugs. "Tubbo killed him, though. I suffocated Ponk, so he might die of hypothermia some time soon if he doesn't wake up," he adds. "We're going to Pogtopia. Have an extra saddle?"


	2. promise

Tubbo isn't sure he's been this happy in a very long time. 

He stares past Niki's shoulder, looking at Eret, who's a bit ahead of them. He's the only one who knows where Dream's been staying, so he took point. "Niki?" Tubbo murmurs, glancing behind them. They're safe, he knows that much. Niki ended up stabbing Ponk in the chest, so he's probably bled out by now, and Fundy is gone. He hasn't seen Punz at all, so he's probably in the barracks, sleeping. Sapnap might be in there, too, Tubbo thinks. "Do you think they made it?" 

"Yeah," Niki tells him, snapping the reins on their horse. His name is Rocket. "They did. They had to," she breathes out. "Will's a smart man, stubborn, too. Even if he..died," she hesitates for a second, "Tommy would've dragged him somewhere safe. They'll be okay, Tubbo. I believe in them."

"Okay," Tubbo smiles, closing his eyes for a few seconds. It's cold. It's _really_ cold, actually. He's never minded the cold, but his uniform wasn't made for winter. It's light and flowy and more decorative than anything. He loves his uniform, Tubbo really does, but it's not all that useful in colder weather. "Do you think Dream'll come with us?"

"Doubt it. He's always prefered to stay in the shadows when it comes to this sort of thing," she scoffs. "He won't leave, he's too attached to George. I think he'll try to convince George to join the rebellion." The words make Tubbo's heart drop for a second. Rebellion. 

"The revolution," he corrects, quietly. "This is still the revolution. We never really won, did we?"

Niki is quiet for a bit, the wind whistling in Tubbo's ears. "We did win, once. We lost it, but we'll win again. We'll win back L'manberg, Tubbo. Even if they've got more power right now, it doesn't mean anything. Strength comes from more places than power." Tubbo smiles, though he wishes he could stop feeling uneasy. He wishes he could believe her entirely. Although..he was told the same thing last time about the first war. And they _won_ the first war. But..that was only because Tommy gave up his discs in return for their freedom. What else do they have left to give other than themselves? 

"Alright," Tubbo agrees, wincing when he accidentally bumps forwards into Niki when they suddenly stop. "We're already here?"

"Yeah," Eret hops off of his horse, landing in the snow with a crunch. "Dream's been hiding out here recently. Making plans and shit," he adds. Eret walks towards a tree that doesn't look entirely natural, knocking five times in a pattern Tubbo doesn't recognise. He blinks at the sudden flash of light, staring at a smiling mask. "Hi, Dream."

"Hey, Eret," Dream sighs, slipping off his mask. "Niki, Tubbo..hi," he adds, frowning. "Um. Hi? What's up? Why're you all.." he pauses, tilting his head. His eyes go wide. "You're going to Pogtopia. Okay. Got it. What do you need?" He opens the door he's leaning on a little wider, gesturing for them to come in. "I've got a fuck ton of apples, some enchanted armour. I have this," he holds up a Netherite chestplate, setting it on a desk. "And I've got some potions," Dream smiles. "What do you need?"

"Tommy's discs," Tubbo tells him immediately. "And Eret's uniform." 

Dream blinks at him. "Okay. They're in the chest," he juts a finger towards a half-opened chest. "Do you want anything that isn't, like..sentimentals?"

"I'll take the chestplate," Eret grabs it, turning around. "Help?" Tubbo sighs, but he does help his brother. He laces up the backs, tightening the little shoulder pads, and buckles the straps together. "Thanks, you're the best," Eret turns back to grin at him, and Tubbo does the same. "Some god apples would be nice, Dream. If you've got any to spare. And I doubt _they_ have any armour," he sighs. "Have any basic diamond shit?" Dream laughs, whirling around to a chest, kneeling down. 

"Of course I have basic diamond shit, Eret. What do you take me for, a Manbergian? Here," he tosses out a shield that's nearly as big as Tubbo is. "Netherite axe I never use, too. Tubbo, you should have those."

"The shield is bigger than I am, Dream," Tubbo giggles, reaching down to pick it up. It's almost half his size, actually. He picks up the axe, feeling the weight in his hands. It's not that heavy, he can probably learn to use it. "Um..thank you. For this." Dream turns to look at him, smiling.

"It's the least I can do. Schlatt is no Wilbur, he's..he isn't someone I'll ever get along with," he sighs, rustling in the chest a bit more. "I don't want L'manberg to die because I was too proud of myself. I was painted as the villian last time, and..maybe I was. The more I think about it, the more.." he trails off. "I don't know. But I'm for Pogtopia. I'm not going to let you guys die. If you ever need anything else, I'll be here. I might move a bit, but I'll..oh, here!" He slams down a compass on the wooden floor, grinning. "Compass! George used this for a manhunt, remember those? It's got a piece of my hair in there. So long as that isn't taken out, it tracks me until the end of the earth," Dream beams, his eyes sparkling. "If you need to find me, you'll be able to."

Niki smiles back at him as she picks up the compass. "Thank you, Dream. Please be safe." 

"I'll try. Promise me you'll make it here."

"We promise," Tubbo hefts the axe over his shoulder, nodding at the man. "We'll make it to Pogtopia. We'll make it there." Dream nods back, smiling. 

"Good. Go on," he shoves another shield towards Niki, pushing a sword to Eret. "Get out of here before you get caught. Check in with me when it's safe. Oh," Dream grins. "Techno's with them. He sent me a letter. They're somewhere in a ravine, so watch out for those. Be safe." Tubbo nods, kneeling down by the chest Dream had pointed out. He cracks it open, pulling out Tommy's discs, turning to shove them in his backpack. 

"Eret," he pulls out the uniform, beaming at him. "Put it on?"

Eret laughs, taking it from him. "Alright, Tubbo," he throws it over his shoulders, sliding his arms through the sleeves. He takes the hat Tubbo gave him, placing it on Tubbo's head instead of his. "Switch me hats?"

"Alright, Eret," Tubbo snorts, adjusting Eret's hat. "Um..we should go now," he breathes out. "Right?"

"Right," Dream nods. "Go find our President."

* * *

Tubbo sighs, trying his best to not drift off. Not like he could, anyways. He's still on the damn horse, and if he fell asleep, he's pretty sure Niki and Eret would just leave him there. He glares at the sun, watching the pinks outweigh the blues in the sky. He's always liked early mornings, but he's kind of just..tired. "How far have we traveled?" He asks, yawning. "How far do you think they ran?"

"Far," Eret responds, having switched places with Niki. "They wouldn't have risked being sniffed out by Schlatt. It might be another day or two before we even manage to find a lead," he tells him, tapping Rocket's side with his foot. "Probably another couple of hours before we find a-" Eret swerves to the right, Rocket neighing as he bucks up. "Okay, nevermind. Hello!" He holds up his hands, leaping off of Rocket. "They're here, Niki. That was a Techno shot." Tubbo jumps off of Rocket, turning to stare at the arrow embedded in the tree behind them.

"Tommy?" He calls out, holding up his hands. "We're..we're here! We ran, we're..I got your discs back. And Eret helped Niki and I escape, and-"

Tubbo feels the air go out of his lungs as he hits the ground, reaching for his axe to fend off whoever's on top of him- "Tubbo!" Tommy shouts, pinning him to the ground. "Oh my god, you..you're here! You're here, you're..you've got your uniform on!" Tommy grins at him, finally standing up, dragging Tubbo to his feet. He crashes into him again, wrapping his arms so tight around him Tubbo thinks he might suffocate. "You made it." Tommy whispers.

"I did," Tubbo murmurs back, burying his head in Tommy's chest. "Eret brought me here. He helped me escape. He's..he's good, Tommy, I promise. I love you. I love you," he feels tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry I couldn't come with you." Tommy pulls away from him, keeping his hands on his shoulders.

"It's alright, Tubbo. I knew you'd come eventually. I knew you'd find us," Tommy grins, eyes shining. "And yeah, Eret..he's okay. He's good now, isn't he? He helped me and Wilbur escape," he breathes out. "I'm so happy you're here. How did you..Wilbur snuck in once, to go grab something. He..how'd you escape? He told me Schlatt had the whole place guarded."

Tubbo ducks his head, glancing over Tommy's shoulder. Niki and Wilbur are hugging, with Eret and Techno nearby, talking. "I, um..I killed Fundy? And Eret suffocated Ponk, then Niki came back and stabbed him. Punz and Sapnap were sleeping, and I don't know where George or Quackity were. Dream's with us, too." Tommy nods.

"He and Techno've been sending each other letters. I..come on," he grabs Tubbo's shoulder, gesturing towards Wilbur. "Let me show you Pogtopia."


	3. north

"Bet," Tommy puts a card down, grinning. "Five for your eight, and I win the game." Tubbo blinks at him, not entirely processing the words coming out of his mouth.

"The _what_?" Wilbur laughs, eyebrows raised. "We're playing _Go Fish_ , Tommy. What the fuck are you on about?" Wilbur leans back, accidentally showing his hand to Tubbo. He smiles a little, staring at his Queen, King, and three. He's definitely going to win, especially now that he knows Wilbur's deck. "Do you even know how to play the game? God," he sighs. "If we played poker, I swear, you'd somehow manage to win. And you can't even play _Go Fish_!" Tubbo quietly listens to Cat in the background, smiling to himself. Ever since he got Tommy's discs back, they've been playing nonstop. 

Tommy scoffs, rolling his eyes. "I know how to play the game just fine, Will. You've got an eight, right?" Tubbo frowns. Wilbur does. He does have an eight. He closes his eyes, taking a long, long breath. Tommy isn't stupid. He acts it, but he isn't. He's easily one of the smarter people that Tubbo knows. He's just got a poor impulse control and has a hard time backing down from things. He's a lot of things, but stupid is not one of those things. Of _course_ Tommy had a plan. "You've got that look on your face, Wilbur. I'm right, aren't I?"

"How the hell.." Wilbur slams down his eight, glaring at him. "How the fuck did you do that? You're such a little cheater, I swear, you had to have-"

Eret laughs, holding up his hands. He lost about twenty minutes ago. "Tubbo's the real cheater. I watched him sneak a look at your cards, Wilbur."

"Hey!" Tubbo reaches over to smack Eret's arm, glaring at the man who just laughs back at him. " _That's_ cheating! You're not supposed to advise him! You're suppose to me on my side, Eret. What the hell?" Eret grins, giving him a half-hearted shrug. "Don't give me that, you little.." he's cut off by Niki's footsteps, watching as she puts a cup of water down next to Eret.

"Drink," she tells him. "You haven't since we've been here." Eret blinks, looking a little guilty, a little taken aback. 

"That's just because we don't have much," he shakes his head. "I don't need that. I'm fine, Niki. Promise."

"Drink the damn water, Eret," Wilbur points a finger at him, eyes narrowed. "It's not a waste. We'll be fine, Eret. I'm not going to let you die. You're my _friend_. I'm your President, right?" Eret sighs, dropping his head. " _Am_ I?"

"Yes, Wilbur. You are."

Wilbur beams at him. "Good. Now drink the fucking water before I force it down your throat, Eret," Tubbo snorts, watching as his brother does, downing the cup in a matter of seconds. Tubbo feels guilty, though. He should've noticed that Eret wasn't drinking. Thank god Niki did. He knows _why_ Eret hasn't been, why he's mostly been quiet ever since they got here. He feels guilty. He should, Tubbo thinks. Eret should feel guilty about betraying him, but Tubbo _knows_ he's changed. He knows that he's redeeming himself, that he fucked up and now he's trying to fix it. And he _has_ fixed it. Everyone knows that but him. "I'm not going to lie," Wilbur breathes out, "I'm kind of pissed that Tommy won this game." Techno snorts from the sidelines, legs propped up on one of their little wooden tables. They're not very sturdy, but it's still home.

Tubbo feels his heart clench at that. Home. This is home now, isn't it? Pogtopia is his home. Well, he thinks, anywhere Tommy is is his home. Anywhere his friends are is his home. He misses L'manberg, though. He misses seeing the walls and the river and the forest. He misses going out on walks in the spruce forest, finding new mushrooms and fauna to experiment with, to try to make new potions with. He misses L'manberg. "You know," Techno drawls, leaning back a little more. "We could just threaten them to a game of _Go Fish_. Send in Tommy, make them send in like, George, or somethin'. I bet we'd win." Niki laughs, nodding along with his words.

"We could do that, yeah. Doubt it'd do anything useful, but we could do that." Tubbo giggles, ducking his head.

"I could spy on George's deck and tell Wilbur. It'd have to be against Wilbur and Schlatt, though. Whoever won gets to be President." Wilbur snorts, putting down his seven after Tommy guesses it.

"I'd beat his ass in _Go Fish_. I'm the all time champion. Minus this time. Hm," Wilbur puts his card to his chest, staring at Tommy. "Five."

"Fuck."

Wilbur grins. "I knew you had one when you said "five for your eight"," he snorts. "Easy. I know your last card, Tommy. What's mine?" Tommy curses again, staring down at his hand. 

"Um..got a..a Queen?" Wilbur grins even more, and Tubbo can't help but laugh. It's been a long time since he's seen his President smile like that. It's been a long time since he's seen them all together. Tubbo wishes that Fundy was with them, he wishes that Fundy hadn't done what he did. 

"I do not. Have a three?" Tommy swears, slamming down his last card, a three. "Get fucked, Tommy," Wilbur laughs, leaning back in his chair, nearly tumbling out of it when it lurches back. Tubbo closes his eyes, listening to his friends bicker back and forth, complaining about things that are so trivial. He knows that they're in a war again, that they're back to fighting for their lives and their freedom, but it..it's nice. It's nice to be with his stupid friends, to listen to them argue about absolute bullshit. "Tubbo," Wilbur clears his throat. Tubbo blinks, turning to stare at his President. "Techno needs help with the farm. Oh," he beams. "And I stole a brewing stand when I ran back there. We can probably start making things. I've got a few new fruits for you, but I don't know if they'll do anything."

Tubbo beams back at him, nodding. "Got it! I..I've never farmed before." Tommy laughs, throwing his hands behind his head.

"It's shit, Tubbo. It's the worst. Don't see how the big man did it for the majority of his life." Techno rolls his eyes, standing up from his chair. 

"It is _not_ ," Techno points a finger at him, placing his other hand on Tubbo's shoulder. "Farmin' is easy and _important_. If we don't keep the farm good, you'll die. And I won't feel bad about it." Tommy mumbles something back at him, glaring at the table. Tubbo rolls his eyes, smiling at his best friend. 

"Okay," he nods, walking in pace with Techno. "So, um..how'd you even get here? I never saw you before, Techno." 

Techno sighs, leading him into a..holy shit. Tubbo knew that the ravine was big, but he didn't know it was _this_ big. There's an entire cavern out, with a few torches hanging from the walls, water pouring down from the ceiling, pooling in the centre of the cave. Potatoes and grasses are _everywhere_ , circling out from the pool of water. "Summonin' circle," Techno answers, kneeling down next to a chest. "I used to come here all the time, back before..you know. Before the first war. Then I left before it even started, started workin' on my farm. It wasn't even by choice, if I'm bein' honest. It just sort of fell into my lap. It was a competition," he grins, pulling out two iron hoes, swinging one over his shoulder. "Here," Techno tosses him a pair of gloves, and Tubbo barely manages to fumble them into his hands. "But, uh..yeah. Summonin' circle. They've got one for Da- Phil," he clears his throat. "They've got one for Phil, too."

Tubbo nods, slipping on the gloves. They're way too big for him, but that's okay. He stifles a laugh when Techno puts on a way-too big hat that slips over his eyes. "Summoning circles exist?"

"They do," he nods. "They're annoyin' as _fuck_ , too," Techno sighs, sweeping the hair out of his eyes. "I think Tommy might try to get Phil to come here if things don't start workin' for us. Here," he hands Tubbo one of the hoes. Tubbo gasps when he almost drops it, trying his best to hold onto it. It's _heavy,_ what the hell? "Now, farmin' is simple," Techno starts, smiling. "You just gotta do it _right_."

* * *

Tubbo practically launches himself onto his bed, wincing as it creaks underneath of him. Farming _sucks_ , he decides. His entire body hurts, and he wasn't even doing it for that long! He groans, flipping his pillow over to the cool side, kicking his blankets away from himself. Pogtopia is _freezing_ , but it somehow always manages to get hot in his room, and he doesn't even know why. Whatever. Tubbo sighs, staring up at his ceiling, which is mostly just rock held up by some posts. He laughs a little to himself at just how ridiculous this entire situation really is.

He was in L'manberg just a few days ago. He was still sleeping in his own room, with his own bed and blankets, and..now he isn't. Not like it matters, Tubbo thinks. He doesn't care about that at all. He just wishes..he just wishes that he didn't have to leave. He wishes that Tommy and Wilbur were still able to sleep in their own beds, with their own blankets. He sighs, humming the tune to Mellohi. It's a little louder than he'd like, but he doesn't mind. He's just happy that Tommy got his discs back. "Tubbo?" 

"Tommy," Tubbo responds, sitting up in bed as he watches his best friend slink in. "What's up?"

"Um.." Tommy ducks his head, holding the torch in his hand a little harder. "I, um, I was just wondering. If you were still here, you know? Shit hasn't felt real, and I didn't want it to be just a dream. That's fucking stupid, but you know, I guess I'm just paranoid aft-"

"Shut up," Tubbo laughs, patting the empty spot on his bed. It's a double one, he's got a lot more room than he needs. "Just stay here for the night, okay? Then, you'll wake up and I'll be here! No worries at all." 

Tommy laughs, blowing out the torch, sitting down next to him. Tubbo feels the bed dip under the extra weight, smiles a little to himself. "Alright. I'm kind of scared, Tubbo. Don't tell the big man, but I'm..nervous."

"I know," he closes his eyes, Mellohi getting a little more distant. "It's okay, Tommy. I'm scared, too."

"Well, of course _you_ are," Tommy huffs. "I'm not supposed to be," Tubbo sighs at his friend, turning over to poke him in the side. "Hey! What the hell was that for?"

"You're not going to be not scared of everything," he tells his best friend. His dumbass of a best friend. "It's normal to be scared. You almost _died_ , Tommy. You're.." Tubbo sighs. "I know we're not kids, but we're _young_ , Tommy. We've already been in a war and we're getting thrown into another one after everything was fine. We're going up against a _friend_ , and a bunch of people who want us dead. Of course you're scared. I'd be freaked out if you _weren't_ scared," Tubbo rolls back over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "You can't always be confident for everyone else. I'm scared, too, Tommy." 

"I.." Tommy murmurs something under his breath, sighing a few seconds later. "Thanks, Tubbo."

"Of course, Tommy. Goodnight. I love you."

"Yeah," Tommy agrees. "Yeah."

Tubbo smiles, closing his eyes as he listens to his best friend slowly fall asleep, listening as his breathing evens out for once in his life. He doesn't know how much later he drifts off, but he knows that he's happy. 


	4. wildflowers

Tubbo wakes up to the sound of Tommy snoring, Mellohi playing softly in the distance. He's not all that surprised - even when they shared a room, beds apart, Tubbo still always woke up to Tommy snoring. It's just something that'll never change. Tubbo's alright with that, too. He isn't sure he could take anymore change. Tubbo closes his eyes, figuring he can at least get another couple of minutes of sleep before he has to be up-

"Good morning!" Wilbur shouts, clapping his hands together. Ah. Of course not. Tubbo sighs, cracking an eye open. "Hello, Tubbo!"

"Hi, Wilbur," he yawns, forcing himself to sit up. "What're we doing today?" Wilbur grins at him, hair tucked carefully to one side of his face. "I don't like it when you look at me like that, Wilbur. It's scary." 

"Shush," Wilbur laughs, rolling his eyes. "Figured I could finally put Tommy to good use," he points at the still-sleeping man. "I'll be making him help Techno with farming today. You did a very good job, but Techno said that you almost collapsed twice."

Tubbo ducks his head, flushing a little. "The hoe was heavier than I thought it'd be." He admits, pushing his blankets off of him, placing them on Tommy instead. 

"They are," Wilbur agrees. "Niki, Tommy, and Techno are going to do things around here for a bit. I'll be taking you and Eret out. I know it's winter, but we might be able to scrounge something up for you," he beams, standing a little taller. "I was also thinking," Wilbur sighs, tapping his foot against the ground. "That we could go back to L'manberg for a second. To..to pick up some things. I need an Ender Chest. We all do. Just in case."

"Just in case," Tubbo agrees, standing up. He stretches, yawning as he reaches above his head, cracking his back. "Are you sure it'll be safe to even go close to there?" He frowns, imagining getting stuck there. Eret and Wilbur are strong, they're good fighters. But he isn't much of a fighter, he's more of a cleric - he picked up on potions easier than he did fighting. "I don't want to get..stuck there." Wilbur nods at him, yawning back. 

"Yeah, I know. We'll be okay, promise. I found a little satchel in the bottom of this ravine," Wilbur tells him, grinning like a madman. "It doesn't fill up normally. I could probably shove you in there and it'd still be mostly empty. It'll be more than enough to bring back an Ender Chest without having to carry it. The satchel doesn't take weight into consideration, either. I could sling it over my shoulder like it weighs nothing, because it really does weigh nothing." 

Tubbo nods, reaching for his uniform on the side of his nightstand. "Alright. I don't know how he's not woken up yet," he laughs, gesturing over to Tommy, who's still fucking sleeping. "He's gone into a dead rest. Has he been sleeping normally?" Tubbo asks, concerned now. "He's scared, Wilbur." Wilbur nods, his face going grim. 

"I know, Tubbo. I know. I am, too. That's why I'm keeping him here," he sighs. "I know he wants to go out and fight, but it's still too risky. It's still too dangerous for him. He's such a smart kid, but he's so headstrong and..arrogant. Stubborn," Wilbur glances at him. "I love my little brother will all my life, so I can't risk him getting caught because he was too stubborn to back down." Tubbo agrees entirely with that, nodding along with his President. 

"Yeah," he agrees, slipping on the overcoat of his uniform. "You're tired, too."

Wilbur smiles at him, the bags under his eyes becoming so much more apparent. "Of course I am, Tubbo. You are, too. We all are. Once we've got our home back, I think we should just sleep for half a month," he jokes, but his tone is a little too serious. "Anyways," Wilbur turns away, his new uniform fluttering behind him. "I'm going to go bother Niki. Feel free to come out whenever you're ready. We'll have breakfast before we go."

"Alright, Wilbur," Tubbo smiles, slipping on his boots. "Tommy," he pokes his friend, who just grumbles back at him. "Come on. Time to get up. You've got a big day today," Tubbo laughs, straightening his hat, tucking back a strand of hair that pops out. " _Tommy_. Come on, up you go."

"Later," Tommy mumbles, turning towards Tubbo, eyes still firmly pressed shut. "Five more minutes."

"It's _been_ five more minutes," Tubbo tells him, narrowing his eyes. "Come on. Time to get up. Techno and Niki are waiting for you."

Tommy cracks open one eye, looking extremely unimpressed. "Will just said he was gonna go bother Niki. Try again, big man." Tubbo sighs.

"Do you want breakfast or not? I'll eat your breakfast if you don't get up."

"You wouldn't."

Tubbo recognises the challenge in his voice. He turns without saying a word, hefting his axe over his shoulder, stalking out of the room.

"Tubbo?"

"Tubbo, it isn't funny. You wouldn't, right?"

"Tubbo!"

He grins when he hears Tommy furiously getting out of bed, still shouting at him. He yawns as he walks out into the ravine, glancing up at the darkness. Wilbur and Techno patched it up, covering it with so much grass. Tubbo understands why, he really does, but he sort of wishes he could still see the sky. Tubbo sits down at the table, raising an eyebrow at something that smells vaguely potato-like. "What's it this time?" He asks. Techno is, surprisingly, an excellent chef.

"Hash browns," Techno shrugs. "Learnt it from Phil."

"You mean dad," Wilbur corrects him, grinning as he shovels a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Tubbo has no clue where the fuck they got cereal, but he isn't going to question it. "Phil is our father, in case you didn't know that."

Tubbo smiles, nodding. "I did, don't worry," he stabs at the hash brown, cutting it in half with his fork. "Maybe tomorrow," he starts, glancing up at Techno. "You could teach me how to hold a hoe properly? I know I kinda..fucked it," Techno laughs, leaning back in his chair. Tubbo grins at Tommy, who slithers into the chair next to him, looking absolutely pissed. "Hi, Tommy!" He beams, eyes crinkling a little at how angry he looks. 

"I see you didn't touch my breakfast," Tommy glares at him, shoving the entire hash brown on his plate into his mouth. "Threatening to eat a man's breakfast is the worst crime you could commit, Tubbo. I am immensely disappointed in you." Tubbo grins, giving him a shove.

"Okay," he reaches out for one of Wilbur's berries on his plate. "Where'd you find blueberries in winter?" Tubbo asks, frowning as he pops one into his mouth. "And raspberries?" 

"Around," Wilbur shrugs, waving a hand. "They're just outside the ravine. I think this place was like, an urban legend, or something," he grins, taking another bite of his cereal. "I think that someone important used to live here." 

Techno snorts, taking a sip of his water. "Dad probably lived here. I wouldn't be surprised if he had. Blueberries and raspberries outside? His style. Random satchel that's magical at the bottom of this place? His style. He lives for the dramatic, Wilbur, you and I both know this."

"So do I!" Tommy glares at him. Tubbo blinks for a second, shaking his head. Sometimes he forgets that they're all related. Techno is so different from both of them. Well, they're all so different from each other, if he's being honest. Tommy's loud and stubborn and headstrong, Wilbur's confident and outspoken, as well as being prideful and a natural leader. Techno's quieter, a little more on the violent side. He's super smart, too. Tubbo really wants to get Techno to teach him how to fight. He wants to learn how to garden and farm, too. He wants Wilbur to give him more books to read. Wilbur always finds books for him. "Just 'cause he went somewhere before I could eve-"

"He'll be back," Wilbur promises him. "Dad always comes back. He's just..off doing his own thing right now," he rolls his eyes, pushing his plate of blueberries towards Tubbo. "He does it all the time."

"He does," Techno agrees, sighing. "Anyways. Wilbur told me you're gonna be helpin' me with the farm today. Mornin', Niki. Mornin', Eret."

"Hello," Eret beams, taking a seat next to Tubbo, ruffling his hair a bit. "Morning, Tubbo, Tommy, Wilbur. How are we today?"

Niki smiles, sitting next to Wilbur. She always sits next to Wilbur. "Sorry I'm late," she yawns, reaching over to grab one of Tubbo's blueberries. He glares at her, but smiles a few seconds later when he can't keep the act up anymore. "I was up all night. Thinking of things." Niki sighs, closing her eyes as she lays her head down on the table. 

"It's fine," Tommy shrugs, stealing another raspberry from Tubbo's plate. Tubbo swats at his hand, glaring at him. Tommy just grins, laughing right in his face as he swallows the goddamn thing whole. "Do I _really_ have to farm today, Will?" He stares at their President, scowling. "I hate farming."

"You will, and you'll like it," Wilbur points a finger at him, eyes slightly narrowed. "Niki, you'll also be staying here. I figured Tommy could use the moral support." Niki laughs, nodding a bit.

"Alright, Will. Are you three going out, then?"

Eret nods. "Wilbur told me we're going to be.." he pauses. "Looking for herbs for Tubbo. And going back to.." Wilbur reaches out, swatting Eret on the arm. "Going back here," Eret coughs. "To put the herbs in the farm room so they don't die," he clears his throat. "And then going back out to go and get more and find some apples and stuff for more potions." Wilbur beams.

"Exactly."

Tommy glares at them both, leaning back in his chair, eyes dangerously narrowed. Tubbo sighs. Eret fucked it. "You're going back to L'manberg, aren't you?" He asks, voice venomous. "Why the hell are you not taking me then, Wilbur? What the fuck? What do you even need to get that's worth the risk? You told me you weren't going to-"

"Ender Chest," Wilbur interrupts. "We need one, and you know it. I'm bringing the satchel with me."

"What if Tubbo gets caught?" Tommy scoffs. "Or Eret? They'll be fucking murdered, Wilbur. Tubbo killed Fundy, and Eret helped him get away with it. Ponk, too, apparently. Or whatever. There's no way Schlatt doesn't know. There's no way Schlatt won't kill them on sight. You _know_ George is a cleric, Will, you fucking know this!" Tommy shouts, slamming his hands on the table. "Ponk and Fundy have probably already respawned, and everyone else is alive, too! You really wanna fucking risk it, Will? It isn't worth it, it's not worth them dying-"

"Tommy," Tubbo reaches out, pulling his friend into a hug. Tommy resists for a second, but he gives up eventually, setting his face down on Tubbo's shoulder, slouching. Tubbo sighs, holding his best friend up. "It's okay," he murmurs. "We'll be fine, Tommy. I got here before, right? I can get back again. Nothing can stop me, okay? I didn't even think I'd have Eret, and I still decided to go. I love you. I'll always come back to you. We're a package deal, right? Can't be separated." Tommy mumbles something into the side of his shoulder, his own shoulders slouching. 

"Yeah," he says it louder this time. "Sorry, I just..I just got you back."

"I know," Tubbo pulls back, reaching up to take off his hat, setting it on Tommy's head. "You'll give this back to me when I come back, okay? Promise."

"Promise," Tommy agrees. "God, I can't.." he sighs. "Sorry. I'm dumb."

"You're not," he assures him, squeezing his hand. "You're not, Tommy. Love you."

"Yeah," Tommy looks away, nodding. He sits back down, burying his face in his arms. "I don't want to farm."

"Too bad," Techno drawls, slapping his brother on the back. "You're gonna learn."

* * *

Tubbo shivers a little, gripping his axe a bit harder. He managed to get Wilbur's gloves off of him a few minutes ago, but he's still cold. He glances behind him, frowning at the snow. It started to snow a few minutes ago, and he's not really sure if they'll make it back before it starts to get bad. It's getting bad already, but Tubbo thinks it might blizzard. Wilbur said it'd be fine, and Eret agreed with him, but Tubbo's not sure. He doesn't want to go back just because he was afraid of some stupid snow, but some stupid snow could be the death of them, if they aren't careful. Tubbo pauses, crouching down, gritting his teeth as his knee plunges into the snow. "Wait," he clears his throat, brushing back some of the frost. "Golden carrot!" Tubbo beams, yanking it out of the ground. He's not sure if they'll need night vision, but he pockets it anyways. "There might be a patch of them. Maybe Techno can farm them?"

Wilbur grins, nodding at him. "He can. Dad taught him to before he left. Do you think that there's anymore?"

"Yeah, maybe.." he trails off, running his hands over the cold ground. He's surprised that a golden carrot managed to survive this long in the winter, but at the same time, he isn't. Golden carrots don't make sense, and he's stopped trying to understand them. He bites down on his lip as he pricks his finger on a burr, wincing. "Fucking.." Tubbo grumbles, yanking out another golden carrot. "Can you put these in the satchel, Wilbur?"

"Yep," Wilbur nods, taking both of the carrots from him, throwing them in the satchel. "See anything else?" Tubbo stands back up, wiping the snow off of his pants. 

"No," he nods once, continues to walk. "Actually, um," Tubbo pauses, glancing up at the sky. "I seriously think it's gonna storm. I think we should go back, seriously. It looks bad, Wilbur."

"Hm," Eret hums, looking up at the sky that's partially obscured by the trees. "He might be right, Wilbur. I don't like how it's looking." Wilbur sighs, but he nods.

"Okay. We can always get out tomorrow if it hasn't frozen over," Wilbur tells them, turning to walk back. "Good thing we didn't get out too far."

Tubbo silently agrees with that, shuffling his way through the snow. He stiffens, slamming his axe on the ground. "Wait. Wait, what.." he turns back around, glaring at the shadowy figure behind them. "Wilbur. Eret."

"Fuck," Wilbur mutters, scrambling to pull his crossbow off of his back. Eret already has his sword in his hand, scraping it against the ground. "I..Fundy?" Tubbo stares at the half-human half-fox hybrid, entirely ready to kill him again-

"Hi, Will," Fundy smiles, ears flicking. "I, uh. Built myself a little house out here. A little bunker," he gestures back towards the deepest part of the woods. "Figured that, um. You were right. Living with Schlatt isn't..not..it's not that great," Fundy breathes out. "Hi. Kind of figured that Eret and Niki and you were right," he closes his eyes, tail swaying a little. "So I'm a spy now," he beams, teeth glinting a bit. "I'm kind of upset about you killing me," Fundy points at Tubbo, but he's still smiling. "But, uh, I get it. Sorry for trying to kill you."

Wilbur stares at him. "Eret and Niki were never loyal to him to begin with. You chose him, you tried to-"

"I know," Fundy holds up his hands. "I'm aware. But I..listen, okay?" He sighs. "I fucked up. I get it, I fucked up, I realise that. This isn't all that far from my house. Already set my spawn there," he adds. "So..I.." he sighs. "I've got a healing potion in my back pocket. I'll drink it right now," he grabs the potion, downing it in a second. "Whatever you need, I can get it for you and bring it here. And since you don't trust me, duh, you can, uh..you can kill me." Fundy smiles.

"What the _fuck_." Eret breathes out.

"Yeah," Fundy agrees. "But I get it. So Wilbur can slash my throat or whatever, I'll wake up back at my house, I don't ever see you guys leave. Deal?"

"Deal," Wilbur says it without hesitation. "I want an Ender Chest tomorrow."

"Alright, Wi-" Wilbur cuts him off, shooting his crossbow. It hits Fundy right in the throat, and Tubbo watches as he staggers back, falling over a second later. 

Wilbur turns away from the body. Tubbo does the same, suddenly a lot colder than he had been a few minutes ago.

"Let's go." Wilbur mutters.

Tubbo follows. 


	5. hometown

Tubbo's not entirely sure how he's supposed to feel anymore. Watching Wilbur kill Fundy was..it..he doesn't know. He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel. He doesn't know if he wants to feel right now. He's..scared. Fundy managed to track them down somehow, and he didn't even try to..maybe he _is_ a spy, working from the inside. Tubbo wonders if he should have done that. Was he stupid to come here? Was it a bad idea to..

"Tubbo," Tommy's voice draws him out of his thoughts. Tubbo blinks, looking up at his best friend. He's thankful that his room gets hotter than the others. He's thankful he can't feel the cold right now. "I..are you okay, man? You've been kinda," Tommy waves a hand, "just starin' at stuff. You good, big man?"

"I'm.." Tubbo breathes out, ducking his head as he stares at his hands. "I don't think so," he admits with a whisper. "Tommy? Do you remember..do you remember the hunters?" His friend's face flash with rage and terror. He'll take that as a yes. "I'm that scared. I'm..I haven't been this scared since then. I'm sorry, I-" he feels arms wrap around him, Tommy dragging him up to his feet to pull him in for a hug. "Tommy?"

"Shut up," Tommy whispers, squeezing him a little tighter. "When you got..when you got hurt that day, I.." he trails off. "I thought I was gonna lose you, Tubbo. You were bleeding so much, and I didn't..I didn't have anything with me, you know? I didn't have anything. We were alone, and I had barely managed to get them off our trail, and I.." he breathes out. "I was scared, Tubbo. I was scared. I was so terrified, I thought you were gonna die. And I don't know what the fuck I would've done if you hadn't made it, man. I was..I didn't.." 

Tubbo hugs him back, feeling a tear or two slip. "It's okay. It's okay. I love you." Tommy is quiet for a long time, just holding him there.

"I love you too, Tubbo."

* * *

"So you go like this," Techno swings the hoe over his shoulder, hitting the ground. Tubbo watches, leaning back against the cavern wall. "And move back to make sure you don't injure yourself," he takes a step back. "Do it again. And then again. Couple more times," the hoe hits the ground in succession, three times. "And then you start plantin' potatoes."

Tubbo sighs, getting down to his knees, slipping his gloves back on to help. "Hey, um..when you found me. When Phil found me.." he glances down. "How long did it take me to wake up?" Techno raises an eyebrow at him, leaning back on his knees. 

"Three years."

"Three?" Tubbo's eyes go huge, panic flaring up in his chest. "But Tommy..he said it was only a few.."

Techno shrugs, looking a built guilty. "He probably didn't want to make you feel bad. But, uh, yeah. Three years," he shrugs again, handing Tubbo a packet of seeds. "It was a fight to keep you good. Phil was with you a lot of the time to make sure nothin' happened. Whatever that hunter used on you, it was definitely supposed to have killed you. But, lucky for you, you managed to run in the right direction. We..I would've found you two," Techno murmurs. "I'm good at findin' people and things. Tommy was loud, too. I wouldn't have let you die. None of us would've." Tubbo nods, his stomach churning. Fuck. 

* * *

Tubbo stares up at the forest, wishing that it was spruce. It's been so long since he's been home, it's been..lonely. It's been really, really lonely. He doesn't even know why - he has everyone here with him. He's still with his best friend. He still..why is he feeling so lonely? Tubbo sits down, dragging his knees up to his chest as he looks at the sky, watching the oak tree drip with snow. He shudders, burying himself further into his jacket. 

_"Run!" Tommy screams, his voice echoing in Tubbo's ears. "Come on, come on, come on! We gotta go, we gotta get out of here, Tubbo! Fuck! No, you fucking bastards, no, Tubbo! Tubbo! Please, fuck, fuck, fuck, no! Tubbo, please, please. You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay.."_

_"Tommy?" All he feels is agony, ripping through him. His body screams at him to run, to keep going, but he..he can't. Tubbo tumbles to the ground, wincing when it jostles the wound in his chest. Is it in his chest? He hurts so bad, he hurts so bad, he..what? Where is he? Who.._

_"Yeah, yeah, that's me big man, that's me," Tommy leans down next to him, tears streaming down his face. "You're gonna be fine, okay? I lost 'em, alright? They're gone. They're gone, it's okay. It's okay."_

_"Okay," Tubbo whispers, his breathing shallow. "It hurts, Tommy. It hurts so bad."_

_"I know, I know. It's okay, it's gonna be fine. You're strong," Tommy sobs, his hands pressing down on Tubbo's chest. Tubbo screams, the pain flaring up again, his entire body thrashing. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I promised I'd protect you, but I fucking..I'm so sorry, I can't.."_

_Tubbo gasps, taking in a shaky breath. "It's okay," he promises, closing his eyes for a second. The sun is so bright. It's_ _so bright. Why is it so bright? "It's okay, Tommy. I love you."_

_"I- Tubbo, you don't..don't say that, alright? Don't say that shit, you'll be fine."_

_"It's true.." he murmurs, gasping for another breath of air that doesn't come. "Tommy.." he chokes out, feeling panic soaring throughout his body. He doesn't want to die. Tubbo doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to die, he doesn't want to die he's so scared he's so scared he's so-_

Tubbo gasps, shaking as he reels back from the memory. The hunters were so close. He lifts up his shirt, touching the scar that's never going to leave his body. He doesn't know what the hunter stabbed him with, but it was..there was a lot of blood. Tubbo closes his eyes, rocking himself back and forth a bit, drawing small patterns in the snow with his index finger. He was so afraid. Tubbo wishes that Tommy had said that he loved him back. Tubbo knows that he does, he _said_ it last night, but hearing it..it means the world to him. 

_"Where am I?" Tubbo mutters, staring up at the ceiling. It's got a small fan whirring on it. Where he is? "Tommy?" He frowns, wincing when he feels a searing pain shoot through his body. He cries out, clutching at his chest. "Tommy!" Tubbo shouts, panic setting into his head. The hunters had to have captured him, that's the only reason he-_

_"Right here, Tubbo," he snaps his head, seeing Tommy sat down right next to him on a chair he hadn't seen before. "I'm right here," Tommy grins at him, looking so, so tired. "How'd you feel, b-" Tubbo doesn't give a shit about the pain. He launches himself at his best friend, crying out at the wave of agony crashing over him. He hugs Tommy so tightly, he doesn't want to let him go, not ever again. "Hah, hi, hello! It's okay, big man. I'm right here."_

_"I love you," Tubbo whispers, burying his head in Tommy's shoulder. "I'm so sorry that I scared you."_

_"It's fine, don't worry," Tommy whispers back. "You're fine. It's only been a week or two, don't worry."_

_"Tommy?"_

_Tubbo frowns, turning to look back at the voice. He hasn't heard that before. He sees a man standing there, with two kids, older than him, next to him. "Hi," the older man greets, beaming at him. "My name's Phil. Techno and Wilbur," he points to each of the boys. Techno's the one with pink hair, Wilbur's the really tall one. Okay. "How do you feel, Tubbo?"_

_"I..hurt." Phil frowns, nodding at him._

_"Here."_

Tubbo frowns, pulling his knees closer to his chest. Tommy didn't want him to worry. Tommy..he stands up, kicking the snow away from him. He marches into their home, climbing down the little staircase Wilbur made. He spots Tommy from a mile away, picking up the pace. He pauses right before he gets to his best friend, hands shaking. Tubbo wraps his arms around Tommy from behind, pulling him in for the tightest hug he's ever given. "It was three years."

"What?" Tommy swats at his hand, but Tubbo doesn't let up. "What're you talking about, big man?"

"I was gone for three years."

Tommy goes silent. "How..who told you? I told Phil to-"

"I love you, Tommy. Thank you for waiting. I won't leave again." Tommy is quiet for a long time before he huffs, shoulders slouching forwards. 

"You too, Tubbo. You too."


	6. lost

Tubbo runs his hands through his hair, wishing that he wasn't about to suggest what he's about to. He called everyone together for a meeting, which's already suspicious enough. "Okay," he breathes out, tapping his fingers against the table. "None of you are gonna like what I'm gonna say. Listen," Tubbo sighs, trying his best to not bounce his leg. It's important, he reminds himself. This is _important_. "I'm going to go back to L'manberg."

And, as he expected, the entirety of Pogtopia erupts into shouting and immediate "no you're not"s. Wilbur stands up, pushing his chair back. He holds up a hand, effectively silencing everyone at the table. "It would be very, very useful," he starts, "to have a spy there. However," he crosses his arms, adjusting the scarf of his cloak. "I'm not going to let you do that, Tubbo. It's too risky. You left without saying anything, and I doubt Fundy is actually against them. He'll tell Schlatt what you did, and you'll either be imprisoned or killed. Tubbo, it's not worth it. This isn't worth your death." Tubbo scoffs, standing up, planting his hands down on the table as he leans forwards, glaring up at Wilbur.

"I'm not a fucking child, Wilbur," he curls his lip at his President, shoulders hunched. "I _died_ , Wilbur. I got stabbed through the chest. I was put into a coma for three years and barely survived that. You watched both of those things happen. I watched Tommy die in a _duel_ , Wilbur. I watched you die. I watched Fundy and Eret and Niki die," he shakes his head, anger bubbling up to his throat. "I'm not a goddamn child!" He shouts, pushing himself back off the table. "I'm going back to Manberg. I'm going back to fix this. I died for our fucking country, Wilbur. I died fighting for it. I died trying to get us our freedom. I'm not going to just sit here and do fuck-all until Schlatt finds us. There is nothing we can do here anymore, Wilbur. You need someone on the inside. You can't be seen," he jabs a finger at Wilbur, then Tommy. "Ponk would have you killed," he points at Eret. "And Schlatt knows _very_ well that you aren't loyal," he spins around to face Niki. "Techno's not even a fucking option! Everyone knows he's on our side. I'm the only one who can do this. And none of you are going to stop me."

Wilbur blinks at him, clearing not having expected that. "I..Tubbo," he murmurs, shaking his head. "It's so dangerous."

"Shut up!" Tubbo shouts. "I'm not a goddamn child, Wilbur! Stop treating me like I'm a fucking kid," he seethes, annoyance leaking into his voice. "This is the only way and you fucking know it. You can't keep me here. I'll fight you, Wilbur," Tubbo feels his voice shake, his confidence and anger melting away. "I'll fight you. I won't let you stop me. I won't any of you stop me. Schlatt trusts me. I'll tell him that I was looking for you, that I watched Eret kill Fundy and Ponk and that I was following him. He'll believe me. I'm not staying here, sitting on my ass, doing _nothing_ , for another goddamn month. I can't do it. We're not making any progress. I'm going to get us our freedom again. You're not going to stop me."

"Tubbo.." Tommy looks at him, concern briefly flashing across his face. "What if he doesn't believe you? What if he.." 

"My home is here," Tubbo smiles. "If he kills me, this is where I'll respawn. I'll be fine. I'm not stupid, Tommy. I can do this just fine." Tommy nods, though the worry in his eyes doesn't go away.

"Let him, Will. He's gonna do it anyways, might as well let him do it," Tommy sighs, shoulders slouching. "Be safe, okay, big man? Can't have you dying on us anytime soon." Tubbo smiles, nodding. He grabs his axe off of the table, pausing by Eret as he walks.

"I love you." 

Eret smiles back, reaching down to ruffle his hair. "I love you, too. Be safe, Tubbo. Seriously. If anything goes wrong, come back here. Being a spy isn't nearly as important as your life. I..be careful." 

"I will be. Promise," he keeps walking, reaching out when he reaches Tommy. He drags his best friend into a hug, letting himself relax for a second. "Love you, too. I'll be okay."

"I know you will," Tommy sighs, nodding. "I believe you. Come back home soon, okay? I spent enough time alone here. Listenin' to Wilbur talk all the time gets annoying real quick, let me just say. It's all rambling nonsense, I don't think that man's ever said a real word once in his entire life." Tubbo grins, giving his friend a light shove.

"I know. I'll be okay. Help your brother with the farm," Tommy scowls, his nose wrinkling a little. Tubbo laughs, brushing past Niki, moving away from Techno. He stands in front of Wilbur, right in front of the ladder out of Pogtopia. "I'll be fine. We need this."

"I know," Wilbur nods. "I wish it didn't have to be you."

Tubbo shrugs, throwing his axe over his shoulder. "But it's going to be me either way. I'll come back. Promise." He shrugs off his uniform, sets it on the table by the ladder. He'll be back. He has to. 

* * *

He's fairly certain that this was a bad idea, but it's _way_ too late to go back now. Tubbo stalks onto Manberg territory, frowning as he spots Ponk and Punz speaking about..something. Tubbo clears his throat, leaning against a tree nearby. Ponk snaps his head towards him, eyes going wide. "Tubbo!" He shouts, racing over, Punz on his heels. "What happened? Where the hell did you go?"

Tubbo forces a smile, crossing his arms. "I went to look for them. I followed Eret when he left, but I lost him," he shakes his head. "Then there was the blizzard, and I couldn't get back, and-"

"Tubbo," he freezes when he hears Schlatt, eyes darting up to face the man. His suit looks a little more worn than it had a month ago. "What happened, man? Where'd you go?" Schlatt asks, the ice in his eyes disappearing. "I was worried." Tubbo wishes that he was lying, he wishes that he could _tell_ if Schlatt was lying or not. He's so fucking good at that, Tubbo _hates_ it.

"I was.." he shakes his head, swallowing back the fear in his words. "I was looking for them. They call themselves Pogtopia. I tried to follow Eret that one night he..he killed Fundy, but I couldn't keep up, he had a horse," Tubbo murmurs. "And there was the blizzard, and I just..I tried to.."

Schlatt reaches out, puts his hands on Tubbo's shoulders. "Hey. It's fine. You were out doing the work, weren't you?" He grins, cocking his head to the side. "Kind of wish you would've told me before you just ran off, but I get it. I used to be the exact same when I was your age," Schlatt sighs, waving Ponk and Punz away. "Do you know which way they went?" Tubbo breathes out, the cold chilling him to the bone.

"No," he shakes his head again. "No, I'm sorry. I don't..I got so lost, Schlatt. I didn't know where I was going, and I couldn't find my way back. There was so much snow, I just-"

"It's _okay_ ," Schlatt laughs, lowering himself down to eye level. "You're fine, man. Don't worry about it too much. Here," he turns, hand still on Tubbo's shoulder. "Let's get you inside, right? It's cold. And you're barely wearing anything! Come on, let's get you all warmed up. It's fuckin' freezing out here, man," he starts to walk, and Tubbo follows. He doesn't want to, he..he wants to run back to Pogtopia, to crash into Tommy, to get mocked by Techno or something. He just wants to go back home. "Hey, Tubbo," Schlatt stops walking, turns back to face him. There's a genuine, soft smile on his face, his eyes twinkling. "I'm proud of you." 

Tubbo blinks at him. He ducks his head, forcing a smile to his face. Is it forced? He's not sure. Maybe? _Fuck_ , Schlatt's doing it, he's doing the goddamn thing he does. "Thank you, Schlatt." He looks back up at the half-human, nodding once. 

He keeps walking, memories resurfacing as he walks up to Schlatt's mansion, the door swinging open. 

This is for Pogtopia. This is for L'manberg. 

This is for his family.


	7. solidarity

"Like I was saying," Schlatt leans back against his chair. suit thrown over his shoulder. He's just in a white shirt, which just looks..weird. "I think you should stick around for a bit, Tubbo. It's gonna get worse out there, and I don't want you disappearing or dying 'cause I was too hasty," he smiles, closing his eyes. Tubbo shifts uncomfortably in his own chair, feeling awkward. He's only felt awkward since he's gotten back. "Hey. You good, man?"

Tubbo nods, not entirely trusting himself to speak. "Um, yeah," he swallows. "I- I'm okay. I'm just.."

"You're just.." Schlatt tilts his head, concern seeping into his face. "Oh. I get it. You miss him."

"What?"

Schlatt smiles, reaching out to squeeze Tubbo's shoulder. "Tommy. You miss Tommy, right?" Tubbo nods before he can stop himself, internally punching himself in the face. "I get it. He's your best friend! Of course you miss him," he sighs. "It's okay, Tubbo. I don't expect you to act like you hate him, or anything like that, man. It's okay. He's a good kid, you know? I wish he would've been on the right side of history this time 'round."

"Yeah," Tubbo murmurs, staring down at his feet. "Me..me too."

"Hey," Schlatt pats his shoulder again, smiling like they're good friends. "You'll see him again soon. You know that they've been trespassing up here, right? I think they're scoping out an attack," he laughs, covering up his face when he snorts. "Things are starting to go missing, actually. I'm on their trail right now. It's a shame we didn't see each other when we were looking."

Tubbo silently thanks any being out there that that did not happen. "Yeah," he agrees. "Listen, um.." he shakes his head, guilt creeping into his chest. "I- I want to keep looking for them, right? But I can't tell you where they are if I find them. I have to..I have to get them to listen to me, okay? I can't let you..I can't..not to Tommy, I can't do that..I'm sorry, I c-" Schlatt holds up a hand, and Tubbo wishes he hadn't said a thing.

"I get it," Schlatt smiles at him, looking a lot younger than he probably should. "If someone tried to make me hunt down and hurt my best friend, I'd kill him. I know you don't like me all that much, Tubbo. You don't have to pretend, it's fine," he laughs, tilting his head back a little. "It's fine. But you aren't going to convince them, Tubbo. You can't convince Wilbur to surrender. He's a stubborn man, you know? And Tommy's almost worse than him, but I bet he'll come with you if it's you who asks. Niki hates me. Eret.." Schlatt shrugs. "I don't know what the hell he's up to, man. He's doing something. I know he took Niki with him, but if _we_ can't find them.." he sighs. "They're probably snowed out there, stranded. But, anyways. Listen," Schlatt leans forwards, folding his hands over each other. "I know I'm a greedy bastard who really, really likes power. But I understand friendship, too. I promise that I won't make you kill them. I won't make you kill your best friend. Hell, man, I won't even send Ponk or Quackity with you, just to make sure you aren't fucking with us." 

Tubbo stares at him, feeling his entire body go numb. "You..you won't?"

"I won't," Schlatt assures him. "Just be safe out there, alright, man? I trust you, Tubbo. That's why you're my right-hand man, right? But listen, Tubbo. If they don't listen to you and try to kill me.." he trails off, sliping a knife out from..where the hell did he get that? "You know that I'm not going to let that happen." 

"I- yeah," he nods. "Okay. Th- thank you, Schlatt."

"Of course, man. You can head out if you want. You gonna go look for 'em again?" Tubbo nods. "Okay. Be safe out there, Tubbo. If you need help, just call me, got it? Set up, like, a flare signal, or something."

"Yes, sir!" Tubbo beams, waving a hand as he mock salutes Schlatt, scrambling to get out of the room. He waits until he's in the spruce forest before he stops running, his chest burning, lungs screaming at him. "I'm on my way back. Promise." Tubbo murmurs, nodding once to himself before he starts to run again, back to his home.

* * *

Tubbo nearly runs straight into Tommy, barely even realizing it's him. "Tubbo!" Tommy whisper-shouts, which is mostly his regular shout. "Oh my god, man. You..this was such a bad time to come back," Tommy glances back behind him, etches of nervousness in his face. "We're so fucked, big man."

"What?" Tubbo frowns, planting his hands down on Tommy's shoulders. "What do you mean?"

"Will's gone fucking insane," Tommy shakes his head. "He's gone fucking mental, he's lost his _mind_ , Tubbo. He.." Tommy looks away, squeezing his eyes shut. "He wants to blow up L'manberg. He's trying to rig it all, the day..the..the festival, he wants to burn it _down_ , Tubbo. I don't..he thinks it's too far gone, but it isn't, and he's..he's gone fucking insane. Techno isn't even around anymore enough to talk him out of it. I don't know what the fuck happened, Tubbo, I don't.."

"Hey," Tubbo pulls his friend in for a hug, shaking as the winter wind blows past him. "We've got this, right? We..we'll be okay. I've got all three of your discs. I've got them all," Tubbo promises him. "We can.." he pauses, ideas scrambling into his mind, making his head hurt. "We could run."

Tommy pulls back, looking up at him. "We..we can't," Tommy shakes his head. "I want to. But I can't let him..we worked so hard for L'manberg. I'm not going to let it..I'm not going to let him burn it to the ground. The day of the festival, Tubbo..if I.." he breathes in. "If I can't talk him out of this, I..we'll go, okay? If Wilbur goes through with this, we'll..we'll run. I.."

"It'll be alright," Tubbo promises him, anxiety swirling around in his chest. "What about Niki and Eret? Are they okay?" Tommy nods, looking away.

"Eret's okay. Niki's trying to talk Wilbur out of doing this, but it's not going well. He won't listen to any of us, Tommy. He's gone fucking mental. He isn't..he's not who he used to be," he whispers, eyebrows furrowing together. "I don't know what happened."

"War," Tubbo laughs, wishing it didn't sound as broken as it does. "It'll be okay, Tommy. Everything'll work out in the end. It always does, right?" He smiles, glancing towards the setting sun. "We'll be okay." 

Tommy doesn't say anything for a long time, the silence echoing around them. "Yeah," he echoes, sounding hollow and broken. "We'll be okay."


	8. gone | honeyweed

Tubbo wishes that he knew how to stop shaking so much. He stares ahead of him, looking into the eyes of Schlatt and Quackity. "Um.." he swallows, glancing over to Tommy, who hasn't left Wilbur's side, arm wrapped around his waist. He knows why. "So, um, today I'm gonna be-"

"Yeah!" Schlatt whoops, cheering as he grins. "Let's go, Big Law! Proud of you!" Tubbo smiles weakly back at him, keeping his hands firmly at his sides.

"Thank you," he murmurs, looking down at the podium in front of him. He can't do it. Tubbo can't, he can't..he forgot his speech. He fumbles into his pocket, nervousness pressing at his chest. Tommy told him to be careful, to not show up. But he _had_ to, he couldn't just..Schlatt would've questioned it. He couldn't just not show up. He wishes that he could've, but it's too late for that. "So..in our g- great country, our great nation of.." Tubbo chokes on his words, "L- _Manberg-_ " 

Wilbur clears his throat, eyes darting around wildly. Oh. Oh, _fuck_. Tubbo locks eyes with his President, shaking his head as subtly as he can. Tommy clutches Wilbur's arm even more, giving him the most furious look Tubbo's ever seen. Wilbur just grins in return, reaching up, and- Tubbo shouts when he hears the first explosions, echoing off in the distance. He stares up at the sky, watching as a man, _Phil_ , dives down, crashing straight into Wilbur. He blinks, and they're gone a second later. The screaming and fire isn't though. Tubbo whirls around to face the person behind him, staring up at Techno. 

" _Go_ ," Techno hisses, gesturing to his..his horse. "Get out of here!" He shouts, giving Tubbo a light shove towards his horse. Tubbo leaps onto him, furiously glancing around for Tommy. "Blood for the blood god!" Techno shouts again, throwing himself into the midst of a fight going on between Dream, Quackity, and Ponk. He feels a hand on his shoulder a second later, turning back to look at..Tommy. 

"Come on, big man!" Tommy slaps the side of Techno's horse, sending them sprinting off. "Fundy's on our side, he's..he just murdered Punz," Tommy wheezes, clutching at his chest. "We have to go back for Eret and Niki. We can't leave them, not.."

"They'll be okay," Tubbo disagrees, wrapping his arms around Techno's horse. "We have to get out of here, Tommy. Did you grab the Ender Chest?"

"Yeah," his voice cracks. Tubbo hates that, he hates how broken his best friend sounds. "I got it, yeah. We've got everything we need," Tubbo can hear the screaming behind him, he can still hear the explosions. "Dad..dad got him," Tommy whispers, leaning his head on Tubbo's shoulder. "Wilbur's gonna get some help, right? Phil wouldn't just.."

"He'll be okay," Tubbo promises him, wind rushing in his ears. "Phil's a really good person. He's your dad, he's Wilbur's dad. Wilbur's gonna get help. Phil will help him," he promises, knowing that it's true enough. He shudders, wishing that he wasn't here. "We're gonna be okay, Tommy. We're gonna be fine."

Tommy breathes out, arms wrapped around his waist. "I don't think we will, Tubbo."

"No," he agrees, "not yet. But we will be. Not right now, but it'll turn up okay. It always does, right? And we've got each other!" Tubbo smiles, trying to force himself into a better attitude. It could have gone so much worse. L'manberg..it's gone. His country is gone. The nation he fought and died for is gone. "That's all that's important, right? We've got each other." 

"Yeah.." Tommy agrees, sounding a little less defeated. "We've got each other."

* * *

"Woah!" Tubbo laughs, pushing Henry back a bit. "Come on, now. You know better than that! Stay in there, Tommy'll be back soon, okay? He always comes back, you know this." 

"What about me?" Tommy throws himself over the fence, their fence, grinning. He's got an armful of _something_ , and Tubbo doubts he'll question it. "Aww, was Henry missing me?" He teases, reaching forward to pet the Moobloom on the head. "I'm here, big man. You gotta toughen up, I _always_ leave."

Tubbo snorts, giving his friend a shove. "You're ridiculous. I don't think he understands you."

"I bet he does," Tommy counters, patting the Moobloom's head. "Henry's smart! Harold, on the other hand," he gestures to the other Moobloom, the red one. "Harvey's..Harvey, you know?" Tommy shrugs. "They're Mooblooms, Tubbo. They understand everything." 

"I don't think they-"

"Ah, fuck!" Eret shouts, and Tubbo watches as he stumbles back. He watches Eret's dog, Coin, leaps forward, pouncing on Eret's chest. He hears his brother wheeze, desperately trying to crawl away from the dog. "Help!" Eret laughs, beaming up at Niki when she scoops Coin into her arms. "Thank you. At least you _help_ , unlike _them-_ "

Tommy snorts, grabbing Tubbo by the arm as he starts to walk towards their home. "Why'd I ever help you?" He shouts, finally letting Tubbo's arm go. "I'm busy being a _man_ , Eret. What're you doing? Getting mauled by dogs. Coin's not even that big, why're you _so_ bad?" Eret grins, rolling his eyes. 

"Coin's like, fifty tons, Tommy," Tubbo laughs, nudging him to the side. "He's a big dog! How'd he even get to be that big?" Niki shrugs, holding the dog like a baby in her arms. Tubbo's not _surprised_ that she can pick him up, but it always manages to shock him either way. "He wasn't that big as a puppy, was he?"

"Well, 'course not," Tommy scoffs. "Bastard just started growing a fuck ton, now we're here. No clue how he even managed to get this big," he sighs, reaching out to pat Coin on the head. "How's the farm going?"

Niki sighs, letting Coin hop down from her arms. "It's okay. We're just getting set up right now. Still looking over our shoulders."

"Yeah," Tubbo nods. "I know," he _does_ , he does know. It's hasn't even been a year, since Tubbo and Tommy ran. They ran for at least a month, very rarely stopping. They took turns sleeping on Techno's horse while the other one kept awake, kept moving. They probably didn't have to run that far, but it was..Tubbo was scared. And so was Tommy, but Tubbo was especially scared. He didn't know what to _do,_ not without L'manberg. Even when it was Manberg, he still had an idea of what he was doing. But without it..without everyone else.. "We're good, though," Tubbo beams. "It's been a bit. Has Phil checked in with you?" Tommy shakes his head.

"He sent me a letter. Said that Wilbur's..not doing great," he murmurs. "Said that he might be sick. Said that he's kind of..struggling, I guess. Dad thinks that he can try to reset everything, but I don't think he can. That's a lot of magic and a lot of people who have to die and come back," he sighs. "Plus, it's already happened. I don't want to..I don't want to forget. I..I don't know what's happened to Wilbur. I don't know what's happening." Tubbo reaches out, squeezing Tommy's hand. 

"He'll be okay," he smiles. "Phil managed to bring me back, right? Wilbur's strong, Tommy. He's just..it's war, you know? He'll be okay. It's good for him that he's not in a war environment anymore." 

"Yeah," Tommy mutters. "I miss him."

"I know," Eret sighs. "He'll be alright, Tommy. Just give Phil some time, he can help. Wilbur'll get through it, he's strong, just like Tubbo said. He'll be alright. How're the Mooblooms?" Tubbo grins, bouncing on his heels.

"They're so cool, Eret!" He grins even more. "And they're friends with my bees! They're friends with Spinz and Spoonz! They're so gentle and nice, and they're kind of stupid, but that's okay, and t-"

"They're _smart_ ," Tommy laughs, punching him in the shoulder. "You don't know what you're talking about, big man. Henry, Harvey, and Harold are excellent at understanding me. You're just jealous." 

Tubbo giggles, ducking his head. "Yeah, I am. Totally. Totally jealous." 

"'Least you'll admit it," Tommy beams, reaching for the sword on his hip. "Come on, big man! Let's spar!" 

Tubbo smiles, watching his best friend run off into their field, nearly disappearing in the wheat. "We're gonna be okay, right, Eret? Right, Niki?"

"Of course we will," Niki smiles back. "Will's gonna be okay, too, Tubbo. I know you're worried about him."

"We all are," Eret adds. "But he's our President, right?" He grins. "Bastard can get through anything. We're gonna be just fine." 

"Alright," Tubbo smiles. "Love you!" He says it to both of them before he tears off after Tommy, grinning as he disappears into the field. Maybe things aren't all that bad anymore, afterall. 


	9. rain

Tubbo has learnt how to pick up on Tommy's signals. It isn't that hard anymore - Tommy has always worn his heart on his sleeve, but he's done it much more obviously ever since they found this world. Tubbo watches as Tommy rocks himself back and forth in the rain, his head on his knees. The sound of rumbling thunder shakes Tubbo out of his thoughts, making his heart hurt as he watches his best friend. The rain isn't that strong, it's barely a light sprinkle, but it's still telling. Tommy never goes out in the rain unless he has to, opting to stay inside and wait out the storm instead of braving it. 

The clouds are dark and grey, which Tubbo can only assume means that the storm isn't going to end anytime soon. He moves down the porch stairs, making his footsteps as obvious as he can. He knows that if he doesn't, there's a good chance he might get stabbed or punched. Which he understands, he'd do the same. God, they've really been through too much. Tubbo wonders if it's normal for other kids to be terrified of sudden noises, to be deathly scared of being snuck up on. He thinks that it probably isn't. "Tommy," Tubbo murmurs when he gets close, watching his friend's shoulders stiffen for a second. They slouch again, and Tommy pats the ground next to him. Tubbo takes the opportunity, sitting next to his best friend. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No," Tommy confirms, his voice muffled. His hair is damp, and Tubbo has to wonder how long he's been out here. Tubbo normally wakes up whenever Tommy does, and he has a sixth sense for whenever Tommy isn't in the same area as him. "I miss him, Tubbo. I miss him so much." It wouldn't take a genius to figure out who Tommy is talking about - Wilbur. Tubbo nods, even if Tommy can't see him do so. Tubbo misses Wilbur, too. He misses him more than he could ever really say. Wilbur was the leading force in his life for a while, he was the person who gave him hope and made him see the light even through the war. No one else had ever done that before, other than Tommy. 

"Yeah," he agrees, unsure of what else he should say. "He'll be okay," Tubbo tells him, even if the words feel like lies on his tongue. "We'll all be okay, right? It'll just take some time." 

Tommy is silent for a while, keeping his head pressed down against his knees. He doesn't have to say anything, Tubbo understands well enough. They both know that he's lying, even if it isn't intentional. A second later, Tubbo feels Tommy lean against his side, resting his head on Tubbo's shoulders. He shudders at the cold, but he doesn't make an attempt to move. "I'm tired," Tommy whispers. "I'm so fucking tired." 

"I know," Tubbo wishes that he didn't. He sits there silently, listening to the rain fall. It's not even cold, it's just warm. It feels like a summer rain, even if it's only spring. Tubbo thinks back on how long ago the war was, frowning when he realises it wasn't even half of a year. Everything is so recent and new and fresh, barely scarred over. "He's strong," Tubbo murmurs, looking down at the grass under him. A raindrop slides down one of the blades, disappearing into the earth. "He'll be okay. We'll all be okay. I promise." He says the words as confidently as he can, and if he doesn't think too hard, he almost believes them himself. 

Tubbo watches the clouds move across the sky, watches as they fade from dark grey to light. The entire world is tinted with pale blue, and it's almost comforting. He likes the colour, he likes the memories it brings with. He remembers laughing in the rain when he was younger, he remembers the world being so much simpler and easy. It was safe, too. Well, Tubbo internally sighs. It was safe after he got stabbed through the chest and almost bled out. It was safe when he met Phil. The world was always dangerous, but at least he could pretend like it wasn't. Now, he can't. He hasn't been allowed to pretend in a long time. 

He listens to the Mooblooms shift in their pens, some starting to wake up as they move from the small barn and out into the plains. He wishes that Wilbur could see them. He wishes that Fundy and Techno could see them. He wishes Quackity and Phil could see them. There are so many people who never got to be free from L'manberg, and he just..Tubbo breathes out. Life was so much easier before everything happened. Life was so easy. Arguably, his life is easy right now, but it isn't the _same_. Tubbo harbours trauma and sadness beyond his own belief, and he knows that everyone else does, too. Tommy has been through so, so much. Fundy has been through so much. Niki has been through so much. 

Everyone is hurting, and there's nothing any one of them can do to make it stop. 

"He's strong," Tubbo repeats. "He's strong. Stronger than most of us. Phil will take care of him, Tommy. He always has. He took care of us," he gently reminds his friend. He never really grew up with Phil or the rest of them, opting to stick to the attic and not interfere too much. Tubbo always had felt like he was intruding whenever he'd go downstairs and listen to them laugh and talk with each other. Tommy fit right in, Tommy _always_ fits right in, and Tubbo didn't. Which was okay, he didn't need to. He had Tommy, and that was all he really needed. "Tommy?" Tubbo feels himself smile when he hears nothing but a soft snore in return. "You're strong, too," he murmurs. "Stronger than me. Stronger than anyone else. We'll be alright." 

Tubbo sits there with Tommy sleeping on his shoulder, letting the rain pour down around him. He sits there, looking up at the sky, watching as the clouds move. He closes his eyes, letting the breeze ruffle his hair and move his clothes. If he blocks out the past, he could be happy right now. Everything feels safe and warm, even though the weather is the opposite of that. Everything feels _right_ , and Tubbo wishes that it wouldn't. At least if it felt wrong, he could do something about it. He could prepare to fix it. But nothing feels wrong, everything is just.. _fine_. Tubbo doesn't want to drop is guard, just in case. Just in case everything stops being fine. 

So he listens to the birds sing as the sun starts to rise, staying awake to make sure everything is okay for his best friend. 

* * *

_Dear Wilbur,_

_Hi, this is Tubbo. I am sorrey about any mis takes I make. Niki and Eret said they would reed over this, but I don't want them to. It's ment for you, and only you._

_I know that you're struggling. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say other then that I'm sorry. Tommy misses you alot, he talks about you all the time. He really does love you, Wilbur. He isn't mad, no one is mad. We stopped being mad along time ago, I promise. What happened has already happened, and we can't change it, so there's realy no point in being angry._

_I know that we didn't talk all that much, but you're still realy importent to me. Your sort of like an older brother maybe. I hope you're doing okay, Wilbur. I don't know where you are, but Niki says that she can give these letters to Phil, so I hope that she does. You don't have to read them if they make you sad. It's ok, I understand :)_

_Love you, Wilbur. We all do (especally Tommy)_

_\- Tubbo :)_

* * *

Tubbo wonders if days are supposed to drag on for months.

Maybe it's just because no one will say anything. 

Maybe it's just because Tommy's sad. 

Tubbo has always tended to pick up on everyone else's emotions, more so than his own. 

Things will be okay. He has to repeat that to himself, he has to say it until it's true. 

Things will be okay. 

* * *

_Hello, Tubbo._

_It's Will._

_I'm sorry. I really, really am. I'm so sorry about everything, and you don't need to be sorry for anything. You're just a kid, and so is Tommy. I should have never brought you into the war. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry._

_Can you please tell Tommy that? That I'm sorry? And that I love him? I know that he's mad at me, you don't have to lie to me, Tubbo. I understand. ~~I hate me, too.~~ You're such a good person, Tubbo. Please never ever lose that, okay? Never lose sight of who you are and what you're fighting for. You deserve so much better. Tommy does, too. So does Niki. Please keep track of yourself. You're too good for this world, and so is Tommy. _

_Please be alright, Tubbo. Please keep hold of yourself. Be better than I could ever be._

_I love you too, Tubbo. Tell Tommy that I love him and I miss him and ~~that I'm so sorry that I can't write to him write now and its just because im scared that he hates me and im really so so rry and i dont understand how to fix it and im sorry im sorry im so so so so sorry~~_

_\- Wilbur._

* * *

Tubbo leans on the porch, watching as the rain falls to the ground. Tommy is inside this time, which is nice. As much as Tubbo loves him, he thinks that he needs to be alone right now. He walks down the stairs, closing his eyes when the rain hits his hair, chilling him to the bone for a second. It warms up a moment later, and he sighs. His clothes are already damp, and he hasn't even been out here for thirty seconds. 

He tilts his head back, looking up at the sky. Raindrops hit his face, but Tubbo can't bring himself to care. Things aren't as bad as they had been. He wrote back to Wilbur, though he gave Tommy the letter that Wilbur wrote to him. Tommy hasn't read it yet, but Tubbo thinks that he will, soon. He understands why he won't, though. Tubbo almost didn't read it, and he was the one who reached out. To be fair, Tommy has reached out far more than Tubbo has. 

Tubbo wishes that Wilbur would have responded to Tommy instead of him. But he understands why he didn't. Wilbur is afraid, he's so afraid. Tubbo knows the feeling better than he wishes to. He was terrified of leaving Manberg, terrified of going back. Terrified that he'd be slaughtered for it. Tubbo is scared, he's always been scared. He knows that Tommy is, too. But Tommy used to be able to put on a brave face and push through it. Not anymore, it seems. 

Their roles have changed. Tubbo can be the brave one for as long as he needs to be. So long as Tommy is okay, Tubbo can fake anything. He winces when he hears footsteps behind him, listening to the way Tommy tries to make them obvious. It's difficult for both of them to make any noise anymore. Months of sneaking around have proven to be both a blessing and a curse. "Hey," Tommy stands next to him. "I figured you were gone." 

"Yeah?" Tubbo asks. "You get that feeling too?" 

"What, the one that I know you're gone when you leave?" Tubbo looks at him, watching as Tommy raises an eyebrow at him. "Yeah. I get it, too. I didn't know if you had it or not. Maybe we're just bound to each other," he jokes, but it doesn't feel like one. "I'm scared to read the letter." 

"I know. You should."

Tommy nods, closing his eyes. "I should," he sounds guilty. "Is he..okay?"

"No," Tubbo isn't going to lie to him. "He's not. But he will be. Neither of us are okay," he snorts, pushing down the bitter feeling that threatens to overtake his words. "But we will be. It'll take time. It'll take more time than I thought it would." Tommy nods again, letting out a shaky breath.

"I hate it when you're right, did..did you know that?" He offers a weak laugh, and an even weaker smile. "I'm scared. I shouldn't be scared." 

Tubbo doesn't answer. He opts to reach out, dragging Tommy close to him. He listens to Tommy let out a weak sob, his arms immediately tightening around Tubbo. He cries on his shoulder as they stand in the rain, and Tubbo holds him closer than he ever has before. 

"We'll be okay," he whispers. "We'll be okay." 

And until then, Tubbo will hold them all until they are finally less broken than they had been. 


End file.
